Zombie Virus


I have it. It’s been a while since a cold has knocked me on my ass, but this bug is not a mere cold. This is an abomination.

It doesn’t help that for the past three months I’ve had parallel induced painful events. It started with my tattoo, this coincided with my dental procedures for some sick, twisted reason. Now it’s all culminating and coming together in the final chapter of both.

My last tattoo session was postponed due to the crazy Snowmageddon we’ve had in Washington. Last week I had to go back to the dentist so they could cut open my gums, peel them back from my bone, layer in some hocus pocus called “bone particulate” which is supposed to promote bone growth to fix the allergic reaction to my (dental) implants. It’s all been sewn back together while we wait for the magic to happen.

Then I acquire this plague. It started out normal, I doused myself with Mucinex and vitamins and a bit of rest. Just when it should have dissipated, it doubled down.

Between the chest rumbling, lack of operational nostrils, solidified snot in my face and also somehow a constant running nose, I have surrendered to the unholy invasion of germs.

Im exhausted from just managing the eruption of symptoms. I have essentially an open incision in my mouth as some of my stitches have come out and the dentist may have to replace them next week. Meanwhile, the sneezing and snot-launching it is causing is nearly comical. I would laugh if I wasn’t so sleep-deprived and delirious from the utter misery of having everything congested and trying to keep everything that’s supposed to be on the inside of my body actually inside.

Do bladders just retire once you become pregnant?! It seems once you are carrying, that thing goes on a months-long smoke break and never fully returns to “operational” or “fully functioning” status after the baby is born. In fact it develops a hair-trigger that is unpredictable. Who designed this model because I feel like a recall is needed.

It’s all I can do to hope my husband and son don’t catch this. (Im fairly certain my daughter was the first to bring it home) Thankfully my family has allowed me to wallow and wheeze as needed but Im not in a bubble. I honestly worry if this cold has put me down, the damage to a male would be catastrophic!

My last tattoo session is 2 days away. I may have to put it off again if this doesn’t clear up. I can imagine the result of spontaneous coughing or sneezing mid-ink.

Sputtering wheezing cement-nostril non-stop drip sleepy time now. 😷☠️🤧

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