Are We There YET?!?!!




longerrrrrr-UH ?!!

Covid Quarantine.

I am beyond the quality time. I’m past it! We have gone from optimism, to the depths of Hell, and now we’ve come back to Kumbaya.

I am SO. effing. BORED.

I started to panic that I’ve been home too damned long when the grocery store trip was too much. It’s now to the point where if you have to leave your house, put on a mask, do any of the Things and drive home, hazmat down the Things and then figure out where to put them, it’s just now too much.

A couple weeks ago, I looked forward to a terrifying, anxiety ridden grocery store trip. I didn’t even mind the glasses being fogged up with stinky mask breath. I just wanted away from these people I shared the house with and a break from the monotony of my daily life at home.

True story: My daughter insisted on taking the dogs to the vet with me, so I made her mask up to drop them off and she says, “Ewe Mom. This mask stinks.”
“The freshly unwrapped, never before used mask?”
“yea. It smells like butt.”
“Did you brush your teeth this morning?”
“No …. ”
“The butt you speak of would be your breath.”

So she never again lied or fought to brush her teeth in the morning. ….

HA! Yea right. Totally kidding. As If.

How much longer are we going to be sequestered in our homes? I know, covid-19 is a big deal. It’s awful, it’s scary, it’s a horrifying prospect to even consider one of my family members ending up alone in a hospital bed.

However, and I’m just gonna say it, this is getting long in the tooth. It is. This is not a life. This is crazy-making and I consider myself a former level headed, easy going personality. This shit is making me Ozzy Osbourne.

How. Much. Longer?!

There’s crazy talk of kids not going back to school. School not looking anything like it once did. Everything changing.

Y’all, if we are all supposed to stay home and teach our children, there is population control right there. There were jokes about a baby boom 9 months from the start of this …. I guarant-damn-tee those were not parents making more babies. Teenagers who are living through this hell are definitely not going to want to procreate! Those people spent faaaaar too much time with parents to want to become one.

I was never a fitness gal, admittedly. I was not a ‘jogger’ or a ‘hiker’. I was and still am a ‘jiggler’; a jostler, if you will. I take it pretty seriously, actually. I am becoming an Olympic level Jiggler after two months at home with free range access to my kitchen. How many body parts can YOU jiggle at once? How much effort is required for that to happen? For me, it’s a sneeze. A sneeze, a deep sigh, sometimes I just change my mind and my chin quivers.

Did I mention the boredom factor? I can’t focus on anything long enough to learn a new hobby. That might actually be useful. Currently my hobby is to imagine going somewhere someday. … but then the Jiggle factor comes in and I’m reminded how atrophied my already out of shape body is and that any real vacation might actually kill me. We are supposed to go to a water park at the end of the summer and I’m seriously worried just the act of walking into the park to find a chaise lounge might do me in. If that doesn’t, hulking myself out of said chaise lounge may deal the fatal blow.

One stupid horribly contagious, devastating virus has brought all life to a screeching halt for an indefinite amount of time. It’s the indefinite that I’m having a problem with right now. That and once we do – God willing – open back up for some semblance of normal life, everything is going to be different. This mask shit is annoying AF. I had to talk myself out of a claustrophobic fit at the grocery store today. And to think that is what regular daily life is supposed to look like? A mask cutting off air flow for an entire work day? What are we going to evolve into? Pointy nosed, puckered–faced Simpsons with their white mouth? Think of the tan lines that are going to develop as we inch towards summer.

Ultimately it doesn’t matter, because the only people who will ever see our actual faces are the same people that we are currently locked down with.

I hope this ends soon, and I know there’s all kinds of crazy talk about this being the beginning of countless super bugs. I don’t know about all that, I can barely process what I am filling my entire day with tomorrow to go all Doom & Gloom. Besides, I don’t think Goth pairs well with medical masks and hand sanitizer. Think of all those angry pierced teenagers and twenty-somethings who have to cover up their shiny angst. What a kick in the nuts that is! … ok.. i have found my joy once again 😀

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