Older and Fatter

Today is my birthday. I am fatter, wiser and more gray. More gray than ever, actually. This has been a year of uncomfortable growth, personally and mentally!

This year has kicked us all in the nards. I think there is a common experience here and it begins with about 15lbs. We have all had more than enough time locked away with our immediate families. We have all been pushed to the limits of stress, tolerance, and bullshit. It’s everywhere. It’s outside our walls, inside our homes, outside our comfort zones and inside our own heads. This year has been a time of uncomfortable growth, and physical discomfort.

Our family has needed a change and the quarantine has highlighted that beyond measure. Myself, my kids, my husband, all of us. The hardest part was announcing and demanding that things change. You never know what you will be faced with when you make such demands of other people. It’s terrifying, but you have to get to a place where you fully understand that you have done all you possibly can to show that you’re ready for it and that you accept whatever the consequences might be.

Let’s just say I’m happy to be on the brighter side of the tunnel of 2020. I am usually not a big Birthday person for myself, but this year I am looking more toward getting the last year over with and moving onto whatever is next. (Which will hopefully be better than what we’ve all had to deal with and not worse!) In March of this year, I never would have thought we’d still be locked away, still be indoors, still be fearing for what the next day would bring but here we are.

I have always loved Halloween, but this year i’m gonna love the hell out of it. We are decorating everything. We are Halloween-izing all of it. I have a 10.5 ft inflatable Oogie Boogie outside my house that is announcing to the neighborhood, “We are going to celebrate SOMETHING this year, goddamnit! And that something is HALLOWEEN!”

I am over the stress of the year. I’m over the stress of lockdown. I’m over stressing about how much I’ve gained in quarantine, I’m over freaking out about how much more gray hair I’ve accumulated over the last six months – mostly because it’s just grown out. It’s time to move on and moving on has to include what my physical appearance shows about how I’ve handled 2020. Once I stop apologizing for my chins and hiding my lack of make up and joking about my gained weight maybe then I can just barrel into my 44th year with confidence that I can change whatever I choose to about myself, for myself.

Seriously, who in their right mind is walking around looking refreshed, rested and rejuvenated? It’s more like panicked, exhausted, and defeated right? And besides, we all have masks on so who the hell can really see anyway? Let’s think of all the money we’ve saved this year on …
lipstick
going to the movies
gas
meals out
makeup
clothes you don’t wear to bed
new bras
state/local fairs

Some of us might have made up more than half of that money in booze and therapy, but who’s counting?! Let’s focus on the positive… the positive being accepting all the changes you noticed about the folks you will hopefully see in real life person again sometime soon. Be gentle on your self and have the same compassion you have for others’ and their experiences as well as what you yourself have gone through.

Happy Halloween Season to All and to all a good drink! (CHEERS!)