August Panic


I have to write a new post just so I am not tempted to go back and re-read the last one. It’s been three days and the sight of my lost Barney brings all the tears right back.

So I’m switching the channel for myself. It’s roughly mid-August right now. Our schools go back September 7. My kids will go back, and it also marks the start of my new job assignment. I’m off to middle school, folks!

But I’m in denial the real world is only 3.5 weeks away. (SOB)

I am finally enjoying a summer bubble with my kids. They are old enough to miss them when they are in their rooms, and they can be forced, convinced, bribed to help with most of the chores. My sixteen year old did his own laundry today!

But right now it’s just the three of us, and it’s definitely the calm before the school storm. This has been an emotional summer and I am finding the need to let go of a lot of the expectations I laid down for myself two months ago. I envisioned repainted rooms, organized closets, and crushing three months worth of online classes for my degree.

But alas, the tiny bathroom downstairs still sits unpainted. Only one bedroom has been managed and organized, and I’ve been painfully slow at wading through the incredibly dull class of ‘Fundamentals of Diverse Learners’. Like a one-legged cat through molasses in winter… in Alaska… in an especially frozen winter at that.

But my son did help me swap my entire Jeep roof for only $55 (plus a $5 tip because it was even more complicated than I thought it would be, and he solved quite a few tetris problems for me to get it on correctly) My youngest has found some joy in their non-binary body with new school clothes and a new hair cut. They also tried out and earned a spot on a local swim team. (after much prompting, convincing, and forcing from mean mom – aka “Me”) They were so. very. angry. at the thought of having to do this, but once done, radiant smile and a sense of accomplishment.

So that was no small feat.

Managing my own rollercoaster of emotions through this non-legal separation/break/time apart has sucked some life out of me, but I have figured out a new normal I suppose.

I crushed a week of summer school for good measure.

I’ve also played a stupid amount of Minecraft Dungeons with my son. I wont have this opportunity again, most likely, to throw time at a video game with a willing child of my own. It has been fun, but a distraction from school, for sure. (a distraction from a lot of things, if i’m being honest) And of course, my dedication to keeping tiktok relevant and afloat with my hours binged regularly. I mean who even uses that old app anymore, right? It’s a good thing I keep it moving or it might not succeed.

The August Panic is real. That chaotic reality of bus schedules, covid/not covid early school year guessing game, supply lists and lunches is just around the corner. I am really not ready. I know the excitement of all the new things will kick in immediately, but right now I would love for these three weeks to crawl by like my own school work has. Languidly. Leisurely. Gradually.

(brought to you by thesaurus.com) 🙂

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