Trying to Fit

Aging is interesting. I realized a few months ago that I am currently the age my stepmom was when I thought she was old. Like grandma old. I can still picture her not-so-fashionable short gray curly hair cut. Her lack of fashion sense -likely because of fashion options in plus size clothes in the 90’s (the nineteen hundreds)- and her lack of expendable cash to buy anything new or current even at that time.

I wont even get into this realization leading me to also understand that my father was 46 when he had his quadruple bypass. I just turned 46 last month.

This is a mind fork. He was my age when he had his chest cracked open and had four veins/arteries from his heart cut out and replaced with a vein/artery from his leg resulting in a functioning heart and a ‘zipper’ in his chest.

I remember him telling my stepmom not to let me see him in the hospital if he looked bad afterwards because that wasn’t the image he wanted me left with. I imagine this was because his own mother had a similar bypass surgery in the 80’s and it left an impression on him.

I am now that age!

I am doing my best to figure out fashion these days, but I have got to scream to the heavens about my opinion on the jeans that are available now. Why do we only have high waisted pants to choose from? This is a case where plus size options need to deviate from the mainstream.

Why am I working in classrooms and every time I sit down, I have to stuff my “muffin top” into my waist band?! Am I the only person having to shove their body roll into their clothes in order to sit comfortably?! Where are my favored low rise pants? Not thong-flashing-low, but under-the-muffin-top-low would be ideal. I am seriously considering just cutting the damn waist bands and replacing the buttons 2 inches lower.

Paired with thise maternity jean waisted pants, we have to wear crop tops?! I’m all for body positivity, but I do not wish to have my muffin top on display for anyone willing to see a horror show.

It’s time to establish that plus size fashion can certainly offer current styles, but please, for the love of McDonald’s, have options that are reasonable for those of us in our ancient decades above 40 that might not want to emmulate our 20 year old self.

In the meantime, me and my maternity jeans are wandering around yearning for my sweat pants. My reasonably low resting sweat pants.

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