parents of adhd kids

All posts tagged parents of adhd kids

Like Sands Through The Hourglass…

Published May 16, 2018 by sarcasmica

So are the days with our kids.

That’s what everyone likes to say. Hell, I say it to new moms. It’s unavoidable and it’s all true. It’s true that when you are on the other side, time has flown. It’s also painfully true when you are in the thick of it, time stands still some days. It’s all correct.

My son is on his 6th grade camping trip. This is day #1. He is also turning 12 in less than a month. These milestones echo the countdown of adulthood. Moms of boys graduating high school this month are sure to “tsk” me and tell me how fast it all goes by and to cherish it.  Right now I can’t imagine it going any faster.

I don’t know if it’s because he’s my first, my most challenging, my most colorful, but his infancy, toddlerdom and elementary ages were painfully slow. Painfully.     S   l   o   w    . I’ve blogged/complained/bitched/moaned enough about the trials and tribulations. Very little was exaggerated. I knew nothing about how to raise this child until I was raising this child. We learned and figured most of it out together. What I didn’t know, I faked pretty terribly. I feel like his whole life aside from, you know, keeping him alive, I’ve been waiting for him to grow into himself. He was not a baby who enjoyed being a baby like his sister. He was not a toddler who managed his world. He did not tackle boyhood with fervor and tenacity. It was more triggers and anxiety. Colic and helmets. Physical therapy and occupational therapy. Medication and testing. IEPs and sensory challenges.

Finally, at long long last, my kid has become who he is. This sounds completely insane, but I’m curious if other moms out there understand this at all. My son was always somehow both emotionally far beyond his brain and miles behind his emotions. His reasoning was miles kilometers ahead of his age at the same time he also managed to be underdeveloped with his feelings.

Now he has arrived at himself. Things make sense for him. He is the closest to emotionally mature a 12 year old male human can be. He’s not a breath away from drowning anymore, he’s actually paddling the raft…. sometimes in circles. Sometimes the oar isn’t in the water, but he is controlling his own trajectory. It’s incredibly satisfying to watch. It’s still scary and new and unsure at times, but it is so cool to see him as the whole picture and get glimpses of how the future might be for him.

For the new moms out there, don’t be too hard on us when we tell you how fast it goes. We say it with the understanding of how slow it is for you right now. We wont take it personally when you scoff at our cliche sentiments, I promise 🙂


Info Overload

Published October 18, 2017 by sarcasmica

Facebook. Facebook is my time suck. I’ve tried deleting the app off my phone, i’ve tried putting it on the last page of my phone, i’ve tried various things to make me think twice about going down that rabbit hole.

Yes, I have free time. No, that’s not a bad thing.

I have recently left city groups and local communities just to lessen the amount of cares I give. Emotionally, I am working with a medicine dropper amount of fucks to give and frankly, my real life family and friends have dibs. Sorry. I just found myself getting increasingly worried about all the break-ins that were being reported, the bad drivers, the found chickens (yes, this is actually a thing where we used to live) the lost dogs, the dead cats, the careless high schoolers…. seriously, why is this interrupting my life? So I left those groups, and it was so freeing!

Today, however, a long ago request to join a ‘Parents of Kids with ADHD’ support page finally accepted my request. After participating in this group for less than 12 hours, I feel like I now have severe ADD and edging towards Oppositional Defiance Disorder. (ODD)

Dealing with my kid’s issues has been a task. A totally surmountable-in-comparison task. This group has both shed a light on options and choices, and also exhausted my already depleted dropper of attention and energy. People are asking about IEPs and medication and products and services and teachers and doctors OH MY!

Today’s take away has been crazy. Apparently there are parents out there that give their ADHD kids coffee.

COFFEE! Like elementary-aged kids! It supposedly has a calming effect on the overworked ADHD brain.

I called my son’s doc and was like, “What the jittery f*ck is up with this info?!” – full disclosure, the quotes are just suggestive. Not literal. .. as in of course I did not actually say this.

My amazing but conservative doc quickly returned my call (had her nurse immediately call me back) to tell me “No. We don’t recommend parents give coffee to their kids. There are no medical studies proving any of this, there is no valid information stating this, in fact, helps. It actually likely causes them to only be helped briefly, and you don’t really want your 6th grader strung out on five cups of coffee a day.”

Ok. Hope dashed. Miracle, obtainable cure-all spoiled. NEXT!!

The next item up for reviews proves to be slightly more productive. It seems, folks, there exists watches that help remind kids of things. You can attach a wrist watch to your non-motivated, spacey, time-oblivious, executive functioning challenged child that will vibrate little reminders with a message like “brush teeth” or “get dressed” or “pay attention” and you can set the time these reminders will go off. Do you know how much more voice and patience I would have if the watch did all my nagging for me?!!

The only hold up is which watch to purchase! I’m researching like a strung out law student before the Bar. … if I can just stop getting sucked into the countless questions and concerns I feel the need to help with on this damn FB page all about ADHD kids.

Not A Teacher

Published March 4, 2016 by sarcasmica

I’m not a teacher. I’m a mom, and while I feel this position falls under the umbrella of “Mom”, i’m not a certified, educated, professional teacher.

I am not an expert on children, I am simply an expert on my children.

My son has managed to get to the 4th grade. We got here only recently understanding he has ADHD. Mid-3rd grade was when we got the diagnosis, and the summer before 4th grade we began medication.

Unfortunately the medication that worked caused an annoying, repeated dry deep cough that was constant during the day and right up until he fell asleep at night. So now we are trying yet another Rx.

Conference time today left me feeling very very frustrated. I will preface this by saying his classroom teacher until now has been great. She’s been responsive, concerned, and seems to actually care about my kid. (unlike his 3rd grade teacher) My son goes to a separate room for a couple of subjects to get one on one instruction and always has. Both teachers were at the conference – something I had to specifically ask for during an IEP meeting.

Today I had to bring up that there is a kid in class harassing my son. I didn’t use the word “bully” because I think that’s being thrown around willy nilly these days. I will use “harass” because that’s what’s happening. My son has told the kid to knock it off, and now momma needs to step in. The kid happens to be the son of a teacher at the school, and it’s very tempting for me to yank this child aside and have a little heart-to-heart with him. He seems to be the biggest kid in the class, and as it happens, i’m the biggest mom. Let’s even the odds and see how long he continues to bug my kid.

But I refrain like a good adult.

The teacher seemed concerned, they wrote some stuff down and we talked about how Gage can try to further resolve it without making the other kid feel like he was tattled on. Fine. But if it continues, I will not be patient and nice.

Next on the docket was the ever-present convo of, “he just sits and stares off into space… it’s like if he disappears, he wont be expected to do work.”

The nature of the conversation isn’t surprising. My issue is when the teachers act like they have no more answers as to what to do with him.

Again, I am not the professional. I am the parent. Is my kid really that much of an anomaly?! Have you NEVER seen another 4th grade boy that tries at a genius level not to do work?


Teachers have been beat so far into submission that they feel they have no power to do what’s right to teach our kids. Parents have abused and neglected their responsibility to let the teachers use the tools they acquired in school to do what’s best. I certainly don’t have a clue what’s best for my sensory-challenged, ADHD son to sit and learn in a classroom that is always noisy, always moving, always changing while simultaneously having to listen, retain, process, write, follow directions and comprehend information.

If I knew how to make all of that work, I’d become a teacher.

So when they look to me for answers on how best to teach my son I can only shake my head and leave feeling like my son will continue his education being nestled firmly between the cracks. His teacher even said to me, “You know I don’t worry so much about 4th grade, but it makes me worry for how Jr. High will go.”

No shit, Sherlock! It terrifies me! And if the professionals in charge of him on a daily basis now have no clue or idea how to make it all work, what am I supposed to do ?!

I sent an email after the meeting asking her if maybe thinking of him as an ESL student might help. Afterall, language is one of the problems. Giving him more language, more directions, more more more is only going to add noise. At a certain point it’s all just noise.

Basic directions and arrows is what he needs to start, then you can add steps once he has the routine down.

In laymen’s terms, I don’t have any fucking idea.




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