Parenting Stories

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Info Overload

Published October 18, 2017 by sarcasmica

Facebook. Facebook is my time suck. I’ve tried deleting the app off my phone, i’ve tried putting it on the last page of my phone, i’ve tried various things to make me think twice about going down that rabbit hole.

Yes, I have free time. No, that’s not a bad thing.

I have recently left city groups and local communities just to lessen the amount of cares I give. Emotionally, I am working with a medicine dropper amount of fucks to give and frankly, my real life family and friends have dibs. Sorry. I just found myself getting increasingly worried about all the break-ins that were being reported, the bad drivers, the found chickens (yes, this is actually a thing where we used to live) the lost dogs, the dead cats, the careless high schoolers…. seriously, why is this interrupting my life? So I left those groups, and it was so freeing!

Today, however, a long ago request to join a ‘Parents of Kids with ADHD’ support page finally accepted my request. After participating in this group for less than 12 hours, I feel like I now have severe ADD and edging towards Oppositional Defiance Disorder. (ODD)

Dealing with my kid’s issues has been a task. A totally surmountable-in-comparison task. This group has both shed a light on options and choices, and also exhausted my already depleted dropper of attention and energy. People are asking about IEPs and medication and products and services and teachers and doctors OH MY!

Today’s take away has been crazy. Apparently there are parents out there that give their ADHD kids coffee.

COFFEE! Like elementary-aged kids! It supposedly has a calming effect on the overworked ADHD brain.

I called my son’s doc and was like, “What the jittery f*ck is up with this info?!” – full disclosure, the quotes are just suggestive. Not literal. .. as in of course I did not actually say this.

My amazing but conservative doc quickly returned my call (had her nurse immediately call me back) to tell me “No. We don’t recommend parents give coffee to their kids. There are no medical studies proving any of this, there is no valid information stating this, in fact, helps. It actually likely causes them to only be helped briefly, and you don’t really want your 6th grader strung out on five cups of coffee a day.”

Ok. Hope dashed. Miracle, obtainable cure-all spoiled. NEXT!!

The next item up for reviews proves to be slightly more productive. It seems, folks, there exists watches that help remind kids of things. You can attach a wrist watch to your non-motivated, spacey, time-oblivious, executive functioning challenged child that will vibrate little reminders with a message like “brush teeth” or “get dressed” or “pay attention” and you can set the time these reminders will go off. Do you know how much more voice and patience I would have if the watch did all my nagging for me?!!

The only hold up is which watch to purchase! I’m researching like a strung out law student before the Bar. … if I can just stop getting sucked into the countless questions and concerns I feel the need to help with on this damn FB page all about ADHD kids.

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Halloween Blues… or oranges

Published October 10, 2017 by sarcasmica

Ever feel like you just can’t even? Ever hear that phrase and want to smack someone? Something about moving and having construction going on has totally fizzled my Halloween fuzzies this year. I’m pretty bummed about it because we are finally in a “neighborhood”. You know, a place where everyone knows your business not because they care, but because the houses are so close they literally hear all the business you have going on. Like, my neighbors are probably just as annoyed at my kids in the morning because they all have to listen to me yelling at them. I wonder if they stop them as they walk to friend’s houses and coach them like, “Come on, man. Just leave your shoes by the front door. Then you’ll always know where they are. What are some ideas of how you can efficiently get out of bed and go brush your teeth in the morning? I’m rooting for you, kid.”

I was looking forward to this Halloween because we can actually just walk out our front door and start trick or treating. The last neighborhood had acre properties and black bears and coyotes roaming like the wild west… the wild wild northwest.

Also, when we moved in, my husband and/or the movers put one of our Halloween boxes up high in the garage. I’ve already ransacked the reachable box and put out what was salvageable. (I have a limit on how many school art projects I will continue using.. i’m sorry, but this is a sacred holiday. Construction paper monsters are cute for two rotations, and then they get to retire to their coffins)

I was just pondering and commenting to my husband the other day how writing has lost some pinache for me. I don’t feel like I can find enough funny to accurately relate to the blog … now, as I’m writing, I think it has more to do with the constant interjections of, “MOM.” thought thought thou- “Moooom.”

ohmygod.

“Mom.. oh wait a second…”  from now on I have the “Reality Filter” on, so every time my brain is jarred by a new pointless “MOM” I will relay that to you. Then maybe I can get to the root of my ina “Mom, i’m done! See? Look.” (pause for meaningful mom moment) inability to complete a thought, let alone pause the funny thought I had and then resume once the priorities are met. (kicking other kid off games atm)

“Mommymommymommymommy”

So yes… Halloween blues. We are hosting some fun construction for a few weeks. The jack hammering and constant in and out of workers is a bit “Mom …” hmmm, annoying “Mom?” doesn’t seem like the right word… but it really does. We are hoping to keep them here until they finish the entire job, so a Honey Bucket has been put in the driveway so they can answer the call of nature as they are building the deck.

It’s the only Halloween decoration that is outside of the house. A neighbor kindly suggested I slap a sign on there that reads, “White House”. .. she wasn’t wrong.

What’s worse is, as the days tick on I start thinking, “Why bother?” Seriously, it’s October 10th. We have an HOA. I can’t just get a late start and make up for the decoration time on the back end. If I leave out purple lights beyond November 1st or 2nd, I’ll probably be in violation of some douchey by law.

(Oh good, the kids are now playing together, so SURELY the “MOM!” count will go down now, right?  mwahahahahaaaaaa)

So yea, funny is gone. Halloween “Look, mom” Blues are real. This is the segment in the writing where I go back and proof read what i’ve written thus far “GRAMMA?” “Grammaaa????” but I my tolerance has fizzled. My pati “Hey mom, can you play with me?”  “Mom…”  ence is nil, I DGAF what i’ve said thus far because it’s all been interrupted causing my train of thought to derail.

UGH

Also, I find the depressing times that much more foggy and swampy to wade through just to get one idle, silly thought across. In the bigger picture of shootings and the farce of the White House and current state of the country, fart and poop stories just don’t rock my world like they used to. It’s official. … i’m a geezer.

Adventures Cont

Published October 3, 2017 by sarcasmica

Disney really knows how to excite you, and then beat the shit out of you until you cannot fathom one more minute or ride in the park. 

Today we tackled California Adventures. And by “tackle” I mean limped and crawled our way through it. 

I dont know how to say this, but damn, im old! I used to saunter through these parks with my annual pass in my twenties wearing a smidge of deoderant, a dollop of sunscreen, Old Navy rubber flip flops, and a useless ATM card and still be able to be a human being the next day. Now? Now I claw and fight to make it to the fireworks show at the main park wafting green fumes around and i’m lucky if I last until late lunch at California Adventures burnt to a crisp.

Granted, I wasnt verbally ping ponging with my offspring every time a souvenir shop or cart came into view. I didnt argue or fret over the contents of my kid’s last meal bubbling up at inopportune times. (not that there is ever a great time for that) But still. My feet woulf give me the middle finger now if they could. 

I brought tennis shoes, but forgot to pack socks. I’ve been in very comfy, but not ideal flip flops (Oofos) for 2 days at the parks. That muscle that connects & operates the front of your shin down to your foot is just on strike at this point. 

Anyway, I was looking very forward to laying low today and indulging in some of the Blog Food i’ve seen circling the interwebs since Princess Pukerella seemed to be doing fine. We started the day with the Bug Land rides, then headed over to Cars Land. That Cozy Cone spot was highly blogged about so we checked it out. 

I am not a mac & cheese fan, so i opted for the Chili CONE Queso. It was tasty.


I do not, however, recommend attempting a heavy duty rollercoaster anytime in the same 2 hours as eating this bad boy. We did Radiator Springs Racers afterwards and that was totally fine. I got greedy. I finally had someone willing to try out the rollercoaster with me! I have only been to this park a handful of times and have never ridden California Screamin’. 

It was not pretty. We took off and my head immediately was not a willing participant. The rattling and jostling and rattling did a number on my head (did i mention the rattling?) and then feeling dizzy going that fast with that many drops and then a loopty loop nearly tossed my chili all over the ride.

But we happily exited and decided never to go on it again. My daughter kept telling me, “Now you know why no one wanted to go on it before!”

Thanks, kid. Got it.

The rest of the day was Soarin’, the rapids ride, and some yummy food. The last treat of the day was a ghiradelli sundae. The cost of this thing was just stupid. We walked it over to the Radiator Springs Racers for our 2nd go and while in line, after the hot fudge congealed into chunky globs, my stomach and borderline lactose intolerance had me toss it. It was painful to throw away 4 bites, but less painful than finishing it.

It was a great day, we are very thankful and happy with our trip. The kiddo got to see lots more characters than at Disney. She has learned the truth about the costumes, but we talked about the fun of pretending and drinking the kool aid. The jury is still out on Spiderman, though. The superhero thing is muddy water with real live action movies. She wanted to believe, I let her have Spidey…afterall, he spoke! “The other ones dont do that, mom” plus, he had nice muscles so what’s the harm in that? 

Post Disney Wrap Up

Published October 1, 2017 by sarcasmica

Disneyland was amazing. ‘Nuff said. Buh-bye.

Still here? Ok, you asked for it!

My daughter and I had a lot of fun. I must say, however, a little of the magic has already gone away for her. I knew it would happen, which is why I will always remember the first time we did this mommy/daughter trip Feb-2016.

She’s 7 now and figuring out the characters are costumes. We had the conversation over lunch at the country bear cafe place “Why have you been lying about it the whole time?”

😕

We talked about the fun and the make believe and she got it, but she was sad to have that bubble popped literally in the middle of Disneyland.

It was a kick in the nuts for me. I just had the Santa conversation with my 11 year old son a few weks ago. Is nothing sacred anymore?!

So instead of obessing over Princess hunting this time, she was toy hunting. There was a lot more souvenir insistence instead of ride and line-waiting fits. We stopped a few times to take a breath and point out the gratitude I expected versus the brattitude I was getting.

It really was a great day, I swear. I think it was the second time in my life I was there for park opening. We walked onto everything! 

She hated Space Mountain this time. ☚ī¸ Last time she loved it after waiting 90 minutes to ride. This time it was Halloweenifed with big skeletons on big screens. She was not a fan. 

Big Thunder Mountain was a hit again, and we did her first Splash Mountain ride. It was awesome. 

We had fast passes for Haunted Mansion and rode it twice since that was the big reason we went- along with 8 million other park goers today. 

Let me just say, some characters, Mr Disney, need not be brought into reality. Jack is a tall, BONE thin skeleton with a giant bobble head. He is perfect in clay. Today we saw alien Jack.

Alien Jack


My daughter, God bless her, insisted we get a picture with them for me (because she knows about my love for him) but after hearing the SIXTY-FIVE minute wait time opted out. She tentatively informed me that he looked “kinda weird”. I think she was afraid of bursting my bubble 💜.

We both breathed a sigh of relief when we realized we didn’t have to take a photo with the creature. 

We took a selfie with Zero’s dog house instead


Yes, I admit I got sucked into the whole Mickey ears trap. My husband said before the trip, “You already both have the hats, right, so that’s something you wont need to buy.”

Ha! But we didnt factor in the cool kids factor. I barely had money to buy a drink or a crappy Tomorrowland pizza slice back in the day. Going to the park now and being able to join the lemmings is a whole new world for me. ..and I couldnt indulge without the kid, so there you have it. Mickey Mouse confessions. I frigging bought them! 

The last gripe is pointing out the amount of vertically-challenged photographers. I have mastered the selfie angle to give the appearance of a reasonably sized person. Hand the phone over to these Disney cast members and it looks like a competition for most chins.

Short subjects & photographer


I am exhausted despite managing to head back to the hotel for a little down time this afternoon before heading back to the park in the evening. 

We didnt make it to Fantasmic on the the steamboat. We left the park during the fireworks show. Some day I will see that show, but it was not today. Someone was pooped:


Tomorrow: California Adventures! 

“Please dont wake us up at the buttcrack of dawn tomorrow, mom. Lets wake up at 10 o’clock…no wait, make that 11.”

Surprises

Published September 29, 2017 by sarcasmica

For my birthday this year i’m taking my daughter on a trip to Disneyland! We did it once before and had a total blast, so I am lucky enough to get to do it again. This is also a “thank you for taking such good care of me after surgery” trip. My husband hasn’t said this specifically, but I translate the swipe of my credit card to say it.

The fun part is that I’m not telling her we are going. My kid gets sick every time we have a vacation scheduled. The bigger the trip, the bigger the ailment. It usually involves ralphing. I’m experimenting to see if I don’t tell her, will she still get sick, or will she wait until we are on the plane and all the excitement is made up for in one big event. Please Lord in Heaven, let it not be the latter.

She has left projectile vomit at Disneyland twice, and once at Disney World. I’d like to say that era is behind us.

I was sure someone would ruin the surprise by now. I have been the only one to nearly spill the beans, so kuddos to all of us for that!

In preparation for this trip, I have had to leave instructions for my husband as to how to best care for our oldest.

Sidenote: No he is not going to Disneyland. Yes it was his choice. If you are low on reading sources to put you to sleep at night, please check out the archives to learn more about the reasons my 11 year old hates fast, fun, thrilling rides. As for the husband, he would rather gouge out his eyes with chopsticks than voluntarily attend an amusement park. This, friends, is how a family of 4 can afford a Disney trip.

So back to it. I had to leave instructions. The after school activities begin next week, so I picked the exact right time to leave town! Making this list has taught me that a-damn! I do actually do more than sit around and eat bon bons, and b- if my husband doesn’t already hope it, he better sacrifice a small farm animal so I may live forever.

I’m managed most of the packing, and now we wait for the morning when I get to wake up my daughter with the world’s best phrase: “Wake up, we’re going to Disneyland!”

Party Animals!

Published September 17, 2017 by sarcasmica

For my daughter’s 7th birthday party at home, we decided having wild animals in the house would be a great idea…. and also a petting zoo! (HA!) There’s a local company that brings animals to your house and hosts. ( Animals ) You can choose a theme of group of animals, or a la cart pets. I REALLY wanted goats, but alas… it was not my birthday party.

My daughter chose the Australian Theme. It was awesome! I’ve been collecting paper bags and figured there must be a way to make them into safari vests. I scanned pinterest and youtube and VOILA! Found an easy tutorial (after only about 3 searches) based on the type of vests I wanted to make, and the kind of bags I had.

Safari Vest Tutorial

Right as the kids came in, they decorated vests on my table cloth covered table 🙂 and grabbed a plastic “pith helmet” or for everyone normal, a safari hat. By the time the guests arrived, made the costumes, chit chatted and maybe grabbed a snack

Photo Sep 16, 3 56 56 PM.jpg

Then it was time to start the show.

We could have done the whole thing outside, but recently there have been terrible wildfires in Washington and the smoke was pretty bad on party day. We opted to squish everything into our entryway instead. This made it difficult for me to zip around quasi-unobtrusively to snap photos.

Photo Sep 16, 3 09 03 PM.jpg

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Bearded Dragon

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The bearded dragons were a big hit, and so chill!

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Blue-Tongued Skink

 

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Frilled Lizard

 

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Displaying that awesome frill

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Opal the wallaby is the hardest working momma around! This girl had a week(ish) old joey hidden away in her pouch. Imagine that! Going to work a week after having your baby, and then sit in a pen while little humans pet and poke at you while you eat your way through the ordeal. … oh wait… that’s all moms.

There were also sugar gliders and lots of snakes. I’m still trying to figure out my camera, so a lot of those shots were pretty blurry. The highlight of the show was the wrangler explaining how hard the sugar gliders are to have as pets as it peed all over her. The kids particularly liked that, the parents notsomuch.

We finished up with hand washing, pipe cleaner snake beading, snacks & cake. Oh, the most fun part was the photo op I had set up. It got a little lost among the excitement, but I wanted a place for the parents to get a fun pic of their kid at the party so I set up a ribbon curtain and had the kids hold a prop Jeep. I ended up taking the photos with my nikon, but the little safari adventurers seemed to get a kick out of it. I’m ending the post with the hilarious reality of party-crash with my own kids. I realized after everyone left that I did not manage a photo of my kids together with the Jeep. We attempted to do this after guests were gone, presents opened, sugar crash hit. Enjoy!

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Bday girl wanted to hold the Jeep

 

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Guess who was holding it?

 

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Dad intervenes so “your mother can get a decent picture of you two”

 

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The picture every mom hopes for!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Raving Lunatic

Published September 15, 2017 by sarcasmica

You know how they say you shouldnt go to bed angry?

They also say to sleep on it and not make a rash decision. It’ll all look better in the morning. 

This does not apply to social media. I’m fuming right now, but mostly at the power I have given Facebook to infuriate me. 

I’m speaking about the fucking community groups. That is the downfall of FB for me. You never know what morons reside in your community until you post something in a community group. It could be anything! There’s no formula! You know why? Because stupidity is random. It has no formula. You know what stupidity likes? Instant gratificashun. (See what i did there?)

What sets you off in an argument? For me it’s feeling dismissed based on an irrelevant fact or an untruth. Also, lack of insight. I work hard to try and see how others have to live. I try to appreciate things others may not experience. I dont want to judge because I dont want to have to endure your hardships to understand your plight. Everyone actually has their own path and if you disagree with a person’s life choice, you better be willing to walk on that path and take the same hits and bruises.

I hate self righteousness. No one knows what the fuck they are doing! You can have a plan and work hard to execute it, but you dont always have control! 

Today as the mob of parents stood at the bus stop, a teenager flew by on a dirt bike. The kid had no helmet, no license plate, no sense. We all looked at each other and just chuckled it off. Afterall, “teenagers”, am I right? 

The school bus makes it’s first stop down the road and kids exit. The motorcycle has reached the end of the adjoining street where the kids are now off the bus, and we hear him speeding back towards us. As the school bus is approaching our stop, the guy rounds the corner and starts to haul ass towards us and the braking bus. Myself and a dad step towards the biker and shout for him to slow down.

He rides past flipping us off, snickering, and mimicking slapping a horses rear as he flies back where he came from.

We all just looked at each other dumb-founded. The kids are now exiting the bus and we have no idea if he’s turning back around, so we hurry the kids across the road and onto the side walk. 

This was totally ridiculous and enfuriating and dangerous. 

Later I post on the neighborhood site regarding this, encouraging people to speak to this person if they know him, because it’s not safe to pull this crap in the middle of school bus drop off.

Enter town trolls.

This is where everyone wants to chime in and make their social statements based on a situation a-they did not witness and b-refuse to acknowledge. 

To their credit, the community began well intentioned and supportive, but there is a cap on that. Social media only allows a modicum of positivity. The rants soon began about teenagers being teenagers and uptight adults and the (sarcastic) horror of kids not staying indoors to play games and watch TV.

I eventually figured out I had the power to cancel comments. I also decided to not further jump down the rabbit hole. I left 2 community groups ans I feel better already. 

You can lead an idiot to logic, but you cant make him think. You know why? Because the idiots like to live in their own bubbles. 

I desperately want to be done with my rant. I do! Perhaps I will learn how to walk among the level-headed that roam the earth, away from Facebook. 

Rant complete. 

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