Midnight Musings

Published July 25, 2016 by sarcasmica

This is what I should just call my blog since it’s the only time I have the ability (i.e. Peace and quiet and completion of one whole thought) to write.

Throughout the day I have lots of inspiration for entries. Something will happen or pop in my head but then life happens and it gets pushed aside. Right now, for instance, I have about 879 different random thoughts I want to put down, but no common thread to string them together for a “worthy post”. So Im sort of just warming up my writing muscles right now i guess.

Summer is actually going by very quickly. I still have 6 weeks and 1 day, so of course it feels quick! Im sure in about 4 weeks i’ll be wondering if there was a statewide time reversal causing everything to move at a snail’s pace. For now, it’s hunky dory.

I found some relief- painful relief- at the chiropractor/massage therapist today. I wasnt able to get it 100% back in place, but it was enough to give relief. I can lay in bed and turn without crying out in pain and only on ibuprofen, no muscle relaxers. Woo hoo! 

I did find out my first “pull” was actually a rib popping out and back into place. So i’m not crazy. That’s always a nice thing to hear ๐Ÿ˜Š. 

Right now in this moment, i think i just felt the need to document the happy. Nothing major has happened. We havent won anything. We arent in the middle of an idyllic family escape. I havent miraculously lost 100lbs. But im still right now in this moment “happy”. 

My husband is home. We laughed together despite him working late and missing family dinner. My kids are safely in bed sleeping. No one is sick. 

Hell, i even feel a headache starting, but im happy. The bills are paid, my body is slowly getting fixed, school is on the horizon, I am loved and (mostly) appreciated.  Neither kid was happy about the dinner I made, but there was food for everyone. I did not put away any laundry today or wash a toilet and I still feel great. 

Im not going to hope the same for tomorrow because that will have to take care of itself. I’m sure I will feel many ways about the day when it comes, but right now im going to enjoy laying in this bed nearly pain-free, typing on a new-ish iPhone, listening to the blissful sound of a quietly content house. 

Goodnight interwebs, and sweet dreams.

Summer Wine

Published July 24, 2016 by sarcasmica

Tricked ya! It’s summer whine.

My body is betraying me. How’s that for a melodramatic opener, eh? 

After narrowly escaping death twice in Vegas – what? You didnt hear? I had an Uber driver pull into an intersection in front of an oncoming sirens-blazing firetruck. Not the side excursion I was hoping for. Then there was the taxi driver who literally fell asleep driving my husband and I home from the airport. Yup. Totally happened. 

I get home and second night, my 5 yr old ralphs all over her bed. Not just a little stomach acid vomit, NOOOoooooOO beefaroni vomit. That is a special kind of nostril burning smell. It’s so bad your eyes are probably watering just reading this. Orange as far as the nose can see.

Poor kid. It was a rare moment my husband was actually home to experience the 3 ring barf circus. 

The next morning I reach in the shower to turn it on like I have done nearly every single day and something just tweaks in my back inside my shoulder blade. Pinched nerve, pulled muscle, no idea. All I know is moving a hair the wrong direction and all the wind is knocked out of me from the pain. 

I had 2 muscle relaxers in a 12hr period. This morning I woke up feeling like I wanted to conquer the world! After leaving the house with Barfenstein and getting our nails done, my lower back was caput. Done. Searing pain. My father would point out how great that i no longer felt pain in my upper back! 

To make it all extra special, i’ve discovered a fun new side effect to my braces – that’s right, 39 years old & i have braces – searing tooth pain if anything cold is in the vicinity of a front tooth. I’ve never had a cavity, but the root depth slow burn that spreads up through the tooth and into my face seems equally painful. 

I turn 40 in a month and i am feeling like an 80 yr old about to go in for hip surgery. 

I have an appointment for my therapy massage and chiropractor first thing tomorrow. This means all the most painful parts are going to be elbowed and cracked. ..but hopefully it’ll all be worth it! 

Wasnt this a great fun light summer read? I have become the most lame mom and wife ever.

It’s no wonder my kids are bickering and whining and bugging. At least they come by it honestly. 

Post Vegas Life Syndrome

Published July 22, 2016 by sarcasmica

PVLS. It’s a thing. I was in Las Vegas for 6 days recently. In fact, I just got home yesterday. My brain has not fully restarted yet. I feel like there was an update that only partially downloaded. Driving around with my bickering kids in the car I realized there is a term for what I’ve been feeling. It’s PVLS. Post Vegas Life Syndrome.

The smell of stale cigarettes, over-sprayed air freshener and sweaty feet is still lingering in my nostrils…also, it could be from the laundry basket by the bed. I havent quite managed to get to all of the laundry yet.

Which brings me to my next reality. There was no laundry washing in the hotel. Clothes were put in a pile “over there” where you dealt with them only when they had to be shoved into the thin, celophane laundry bag provided. At home there is no magic drawer or suitcase  producing clean pairs of undies.

There are no dinging, flashing music boxes eager to eat my money at any and every hour of the day

I have children?!? 

Where is the pool?!

What do you mean you arent my Uber driver?!

Shit, it seems, has to get done not by an underpaid and over judgy staff, but by my own self. 

I am mostly having to adjust from doing what I wanted when I wanted and for no reason other than I wanted to do it back to doing things for these small versions of myself and then eventually managing what I want in the wee hours of the morning after everyone else has been made happy.

So it’s like going from Dad back to the Mom


I will acclimate to these familiar surroundings once more. Hopefully the natives will accept me and begin to see the wisdom in waiting until i’ve had coffee before dismembering each other and screaming their needs at me.


Published July 7, 2016 by sarcasmica

I survived another summer camping trip! Huzzah

Here’s what I learned

1. Backup sunscreen is only uselful if you apply it

2. Need to generate heat after your first cold night camping? Sunburns. We all had one by night #2, and our tent was like a sun 

3. Dont sleep on a cot. It’s not, in fact, a bed. It’s not a hammock. It’s a slab of concave brick tricking you into a 5 am inner thigh charlie horse. 

      Truthfully, i’ve been through some painful things in my life. Waking up to a twisting cramping searing leg and shoulder ranks just below child birth and right above T-boning a Durango at 25mph. 

3a. Air mattress.

4. If you are hoping for a perfect family activity where every day ends with a feeling of satisfaction and contentment go alone. Seriously, just leave the kids at home. If you want to test the limits of your sanity and capability to endure and overcome and persevere, bring the kids along. 

5. Alcohol

5a. Instant coffee -you’ll be thankful for it at the time

6. A true partner makes it even more enjoyable and memorable. Who else is going to love you after 48hrs sans shower with a sunburn and fire pit smoked hair?

7. 2 nights can seem deceptively short from a dry, electrified, warm computer desk when you make the reservations

It was truly a good trip. We had some obstacles and bumps, but the kids have another summer memory and I have a new respect for weather forecasts and air mattresses. ..and liquor. 

Adventures In Car Shopping

Published June 25, 2016 by sarcasmica

Nothing makes a girl feel like a useless toddler than car shopping with her husband. To give some background, neither I nor my husband know much about engines. I know in most cases they are under the hood. My husband doesn’t have much more information than I do, yet 85% of the time the salesmen always look to him to discuss power and size.

This infuriates me.

As the youngest of three and the only girl, I am forever trying to live up to my 5T shirt that said “Anything Boys Can Do Girls Can Do Better”


When a salesman begins by dismissing me immediately for my husband we are off to a bad start. This happened at the first lot where we were excited to try out an H3 (Hummer). I know it sounds insane, but it was a lot of fun. We are replacing a very fun to drive car that got terrible gas mileage and we wanted something comparable. A Highlander just didn’t seem to cut it, ya know?

Anyway, we drive the Hummer and it’s fun. Same lot, same salesperson, we drive a Tahoe. It felt loose and all over the road and just not worth the $35K + price tag. Next up, an Acadia. I got in and immediately noticed the power steering was nonexistent. I may not know where the power steering fluid goes, but I know a hard ass steering wheel when I try to turn one. The salesman’s response? “Naaah, you’re just used to driving the truck. This is going to drive differently.”

As in not at all? So we heave the steering to maneuver onto the road and as soon as I hit 45mph the whole thing shimmies. “Hey look at that. It needs an alignment.” Salesman: “Naaah, that’s just under inflated tires.”

Long story short we bought nothing from this guy. The car we wanted to buy as it turns out was never even inspected before putting it out to test drive. Obviously the same can be said for the other 2. Thanks, but no thanks.

Recently we have been looking at Tahoes. After the catastrophe of the first lot, I went ahead and drove one on a different lot and guess what?! It felt totally different! It didn’t feel like it was being held together by Legos and chewing gum. If you’ve never priced these vehicles, don’t bother. They are way expensive. Because of this we are looking for a very used and not-too-abused one. We found one we liked, but weren’t ready to sign docs. As research we tried another lot last night and had a very eye opening experience. As it turns out, just because you can’t name the engine parts doesn’t mean you shouldn’t crack open the hood.

Tahoe 2 was a couple thousand more, but had 15K miles less so it seemed like a no-brainer. However, closer inspection caused the hood to open and lo and behold, we found a treasure trove of, “What the hell is that?”s and “Is that normal?”s. Behind the front tire we found a ton of rust, too. After pulling the carfax it turns out this sucker had been from CA to CAnada and back through no less than 5 auctions.

Here is a comparison of Tahoe opt 1 and Tahoe opt 2:

Car buying is like a tandem pap smear, root canal, and labor. We have to get through it to get to the good stuff, and you rarely know what is being said around you while you are getting through it. Sometimes if you can dull the noise and follow your instincts, you might actually make a good choice!

Here’s hoping the process ends quickly for us.

Obladee Oblada

Published June 21, 2016 by sarcasmica

Life has been going onย  (and on and on and on) thank goodness. We’ve been quite busy here on Monster Island. Grouchy Ranch. Asylum of The Grumps. Let’s see, we’ve had a car accident, the following week I had 3 teeth pulled, the week after that I got braces, and then school ended.

Currently we are managing all the post accident nonsense. A refi. Changing the plan on the braces, and wrangling summer break while trying to nail down what car we are going to get next (which involves lots of research – pricing, safety, reliability and test driving)

Just a typical day in paradise.

In light of the world’s recent events, I realize this is all icing on First World Problems Cake. Really, I do. But this is where I live and where my world turns … at home. And navigating life with 2 kids out of school, a working husband, volunteering, post accident appointments 3 adults and 2 cars it’s gotten a bit hectic.

We are debating a range of vehicles. I don’t do well with big commitment decisions. I want what I want, and I usually want it yesterday. I don’t plan for the far future because I’m right here. Right now. I’m not a good planner. Thankfully my husband is. He likes the process. He likes the back and forth. He doesn’t always like the research, but I do. I don’t like the salesmen face-t0-face nonsense, he does. We are a good pair.

We have sat in/driven the following so far: A Hummer H2 (laughable to say the least) a Mercedes GL (insanely high tech. My tech professional husband couldn’t figure out the buttons or commands! We were stuck with a Christian radio station while driving this beautifully luxurious beast around. I kept waiting for the front seats to eject us for being imposters and hearing “Auf Wiedersehen!”) A Hummer H3 (a serious contender) a Chevy Tahoe (rickety loose gas guzzler) a GMC Acadia (big fat “No”) a Toyota 4 Runner and Sequoia, and finally a Mazda CX9.

And that was just last weekend. We haven’t made any decisions yet but we have 2 favorites.

Did I mention I’m not good with commitment? We aren’t replacing our Wrangler with another Wrangler because a-they are too expensive b-not comfy for bigger-than-the-average-bear passengers c-not that safe in a side collisions. It was fun and cool and sporty and awesome, but it’s sort of a one and done thing for me. My husband is still a bit miffed i’m not looking at another, but that’s my attempt at being responsible and realistic.

Summer break has been interesting. We are 2 days in and already computer/ipad/console privileges have been lost. What hasn’t been lost? My 10 year old’s attitude, sarcasm, back talk, and snotty language. I’m looking forward to the day I find the respectful, happy, charming, intelligent young man I know is beneath the costume of the hairy beast that has ransacked my sanity lately. Surely he’s in there somewhere, right? RIGHT?! RIGHT?!?!?!?!

I’m beginning to look forward to grocery store errands and post office lines already. Thank goodness we have camping and summer camp in the future!




Published May 31, 2016 by sarcasmica

I had a balanced diet today. I had a plum and it was so juicy, it exploded when I bit into it! Full on paper-towel-floor-wipe juicy.

So my body was compelled to compensate with a couple Funyons. 

I usually dont buy these but that was a fight I was not slated to have with my 5 yr old today. Also, they were on sale and they are NEVER on sale. ..not that my daughter can read the tag, but still.

I also had a peach. It was not a comparable sequel to the plum, so I had to wash it down with a few more funyons..but I determinedly worked my way through that less than amazing peach.

Ok..truth be told I had my daughter help me with half of it. 

I made one soft taco for dinner and made a salad with the other serving. It was delicious! 

So I had that half slice of cheesecake.

I don’t even like cheesecake so my day turned full circle when I pep talked my way through that slice…errr, half slice.

Some people think being fat is easy. I guarantee it’s work and planning. 

Next goal: fruit on it’s own with no reward system…and never shopping when Funyons are on sale (or Lays Dill Pickle chips) 

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