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All posts for the month August, 2013

Big Dump

Published August 31, 2013 by sarcasmica

… trucks, that is!

So it seems our town has a rather cool Big Truck Day every year. It’s a hit with all the kids, but the boys especially. The only hang up with this thing is that you have to register for it like it’s a class. A very expensive one day class. I slapped it on the calendar for our Club and warned everyone pre-registration is required through the city.

Then i went to Disneyland.

Then my kid decided to get croup.

Then I had school shopping to get done before the ‘meet & greet’ yesterday.

Sometime early this week i realized, “Shit. I haven’t registered.”  So i registered.

I got the big F-U finger in the form of “waitlisted” and made other plans.

First i told my kids we’d go to the Aquarium. They were excited. I went to bed imagining the tolls involved, the long drive into Seattle, the paying for parking after finding parking, the every direction they each like to go in when we’re there, and the dreaded Gift Shop the Aquarium dumps you out into.

So then i remembered we haven’t been to the much more subdued and closer KidsQuest museum that is located in a mall, near an Old Navy. School shopping AND an afternoon of busy kids?! SOLD!

So i talked them into trading the aquarium for this instead.

They were excited.

Then my friend tells me that actually she IS pre-registered, but not going to the Truck Day, and can i please take her place.

…. well, i have two kids and this only is a guarantee that one can get the “goody bag”. We all know how it goes if one has one and one doesn’t.

The fires of hell rain down on your head.

Taking her place and going ordinarily wouldn’t be a big deal, but here’s how my last conversation went with an employee of the parks & rec dept.

“Hello. I pre-registered my kids but was put on the waitlist. How does that work for this event?”

“…. umm … well… you would have to do ‘day of’ registration.”

“Really? But i did register online. It just happens the ‘class’ is full, so i was put on the waitlist.”

” .. right.. well… ummm… actually, we tried to close down the waitlist. You just have to go and do ‘day of’ on the day.”

“Ok, and how much is that?”

“It’s $25”

“That makes no sense. Pre-registration is $15, you want me to just show up and pay $25 per even though I filled out the info beforehand?”

“yea. that’s just how it is, sorry.”

“So do you even have a waitlist?”

” well … ummm .. no, not really.”

….. keep your head, don’t blow up.. it’s just a stupid event

“Ok, so you know that makes no sense, right?”

“… *nervous laughter*..”

“ok thanks, bye.”

So on principal, i was not going to go BuuuuUUUT i had an opportunity to just check it out. Fine.

So this morning i call the Parks dept back.

“Hi. I am taking the place of a pre-registrar, but I need to purchase one day of ticket. I was told there were 50 spots left, can i register over the phone now before the event?”

“No. You have to come down and do it in person. Sorry.”

“Ok, what time will you begin accepting people?”

“Well, it starts at 12 so … at noon. Just to be fair to everyone.”

…. fair. how is this fair? i’m trying to be proactive. first come first serve is pretty self-explanatory. why would you want to create a mob on purpose?!

“ok thanks.”

Up until now, i’ve dealt with this office for multiple classes for my kids, and they’ve been great. It’s just this particular event that they have no effing clue.

So i get the kids ready. I fight a pounding headache despite the constant chatter and bickering and teasing. We go for an early lunch at Panera. I’ll leave that for another story.

We show up to the park at 11:20 and the parking lot is nearly full already. Holy cow. I’m glad i came early!

We walk to the table to register and Ned Flanders greets me with nearly a “Hi Diddledy Ho!”

I recognize his voice from the phone conversation this morning.

“Can we go ahead and register for the day of?”

“No. We aren’t taking anyone until noon just to be fair to everyone. There aren’t even trucks here yet.”

…. as if the location or presence of the trucks was even a factor

“ok .. so do you have a place everyone can line up?”

“Nope, just come on over when it’s time.”

Does this make sense to anyone else?!

Another woman came up with her kids. She was actually a pre-registerererer, though.

“Hello, so can we go ahead and get our wrist bands then?”

“Nope, you can just come on over when it’s noon and we’ll get you set up. It’s only 11:30, so we’re way early right now.”

The woman and I looked at each other like, “Is he serious?”

After the third person was told this same thing, i finally said, “You might want to have a line form so there’s not one giant mob climbing over your table to get in.”

“Well *chuckle* i’ve been doing this four years and there’s a mob either way.”

… right. But there’s organized, and then complete chaos. Which one makes sense?

oh wait.. nevermind. I’m trying to reason with a man. I gave up and just formed my own area nearby. Others followed. Pretty soon Ned Diddledy Dee Flanders put up two signs designating Pre and Day of lines.

One step closer

Finally after long sweaty irritated lines formed, someone gave him the invisible silent ‘ok’ and he began accepting people “early”.

He was very proud of his forward thinking.

I sign up, sign in, and the fun begins!

The kids were jazzed to climb, honk, button push, climb down, cut in line, hog the driver seat, and honk some more. My son, however, is not a fan of loud noises, so he tried climbing in and out of each truck with his elbows. His ears were covered for 85% of the time allowing him only the assistance of his elbows like some poor elementary school VFW amputee.

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Notice, if you will, he is still honking. He has told every kid we’ve approached to “stop it” when they do it, but he’s the first do smack the center steering column as soon as he’s able.

Stinker! Who is parenting this kid?! Like, seriously.

He was wary of the honking noise, and had his ears covered until he got in the Police Car. Once his little tushie was in that seat, he was HOME. He was born to be a sheriff of a (very small) town. Where he wont ever have to pull a gun or fire it. He was so giddy at first he was almost bashful. Then he found the intercom-ish radio thing. He was barking orders to the crowd quicker than you can say Krispy Kreme. Then he wanted the lights on. Then he had lights on, orders barking, and that’s when the Officer came over and turned off the loud speaker.

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Yes, that was my kid taking it too far. I blame it on his dad. In about 20 years the kids here today are going to have a flashback and strange sense of deja vous one night when they’ve left the bar and a police car pulls up behind them flashing lights and an unintelligible “dlkjsd=-s(&*” is shouted over the loud speaker.

So after an hour and a half in the hot humid loud sticky field, we packed it in and headed home. All in all a great time, and i’m glad I got to see him be a kid for a little longer before 2nd grade turns him into a back-talking, reading, writing, smarter-than-mom little snot.

Oh wait.. have i already done this?  Looks like my summer homework is complete. Teachers: You are welcome.

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Bonus Pack

Published August 30, 2013 by sarcasmica

I’m going to throw out a disclaimer that if you are family, you might not want to read this. There, my job is done.

My husband had a vasectomy last December. The first three months were consumed by his healing.

Yes, ladies. Apparently it’s really painful and traumatic to have a laser snip a microscopic tube near your genitalia. I mean, can you imagine a stranger just fondling your goodies long enough to cut them open and alter you forever?!

I have no idea what that would feel like…. mostly because i had MULTIPLE people and MULTIPLE contraptions handle the MULTIPLE people that came out of my genitalia on MULTIPLE occasions.

But that’s just me… surely.

Anyway, needless to say the healing process was long and arduous for my poor husband. Add to this his travel schedule and our lack of horizontal mambo, and you get an unusually long wait until the chamber is empty and tested for illegal spermies who are holding onto that tube and testes far beyond the eviction date.

There is a specimen test that must be done to confirm the procedure was effective.

We got the ok the weekend of our Vegas trip.

July.

Seven Months Later.

….

So ever since July we’ve been willy nilly with the hanky panky and not having to monitor moon cycles or mood cycles or blood cycles. Just caution – and genitalia – to the wind and BAM! Just like that you are supposed to have confidence your McLovin’ wont end in a “my mom only wanted a backrub” onesie.

I have a hard time *pause for pun* flipping that switch in my brain that tells me not to be paranoid. After 36 years of fingernail biting and monthly wondering ‘what if?’ i’m supposed to just feel confident we wont be that one couple on Maury having to prove paternity to the man that had his tubes tied. Balls snipped. De-machofication. ?

I feel each vasectomy should come with a costco-sized box of pregnancy tests.

When you combine the side-effects of a vasectomy (anytime boom boom) with the cycle of a mid-thirties woman who apparently waited until after having kids to truly have to see and feel what a terrible period and PMS are like for the rest of the world, each month you can find a variety of symptoms that look a lot like pregnancy.

Hormonal. Grouchy. Always hungry. Horny. Emotional. Grouchy. Grumpy. Tired. Exhausted.

Turns out these are also symptoms of being a mom. Being a wife. Being a woman.

So today was the last day i’m giving into the paranoia. I took my two rabid children with me to Target under the guise of needing groceries so i could buy a 3-pack of tests. For reasons i wont go into for your own good, I could have convinced myself this period was a phantom period.

I’m not sure who was more eager to see a negative sign. Myself or the checker.

To be clear, i am not with monster, but my conscience will be 100% clear and maybe now i can be confident all the whining and crying  pain and healing of snipped balls was worth the joy it is supposed to bring us.

 

Le’go my Lego!

Published August 29, 2013 by sarcasmica

Today I had an hour and a half ‘bonding time’ with my son. He’s 7. He loves the idea of Legos. He loves what the Lego store does with legos. He loves what Tt Games does with the Lego Video Game franchises. In reality, the legos don’t build themselves into monumentally impressive beings.

I had a stroke of Pinterest-inspired genius one weekend a few months back. I made my kids a Lego table out of a cheap plastic chest of drawers we no longer used and a free piece of scrap pressboard from Home Depot. It was effective the first weekend I had it displayed in the middle of the living room. Once put into the corner of my son’s cozy room where little sister hands couldn’t mess it up, it became nearly obsolete.

I did not have Legos as a kid, neither did my brothers. We had food. We played with dirt, and our pets, and money went to food like spaghetti and canned sauce or chili. S.O.S. – if you do not know what this is, you are equal parts lucky and deprived at the same time. We almost always had bread, but you were never guaranteed more than butter to put on it.

Anyway, you get the jist. Basic necessities did not include packs of small blocks that would enrage and inspire equally. Because of this, the first big set we bought my son was sort of a joint adventure for he and I. He chose a space shuttle. My husband proceeded to nap on the couch while i emptied the various bags of plastic blocks all over our table. We got the instruction Bible out and dug in. Nearly 2 hours later and a few re-dos, we had one very impressive shuttle that i threatened to take away if my son so much as thought about taking one single lego off of. In my mind he was being allowed to play with my accomplishment. It wasn’t much of a fight because he knew damn well that thing was just a heap of nothing when not in the very distinctly precise order “we” put it into in the current form.

Cut to a month after and the thing was used for scrap parts in making towers and odd bits of transportation-ish vehicle-ish things. No biggie. The awe wears off after 24 hours.

So now we are about a year and change later and my son asks for “help” putting together the dump truck my brother got him for Christmas.

Yes, it’s August. Yes, it was a Christmas present given nearly 9 months ago. And??

We had seen a movie so the soda was freshly coursing through my veins. “Sure, honey, what the heck.” … before the caffeine crash hits.

We pulled out the lego case the remnants had been put into and dug out the ‘constructions’ as my son calls them. 🙂

I don’t know if one successful build made me smarter in how to read the instructions, or they just happened to dumb down the directions for this particular model, but we had to do zero re-dos. One shot wonder! I was impressed with myself! The only downside is the burning fingertips i now have from pulling apart the pieces my son had played with and snapped together. Those things form a super-glue type bond and the smaller the damned Lego, the stronger the invisible glue!

MY/our finished product:

dump truck

The fact that I had trouble taking apart the two-pronged squares gave me zero hope for my fine motor challenged 7 year old to do this on his own. In fact, there have been a few days when he ventures near that Lego table and comes out a frustrated rubber-boned whining mess because he can’t pull apart the infinite bond the blocks create between themselves. I wish i could say i ‘tsk’d him and easily pried them apart, but no such luck.

How is it the legos manufactured get better. The instructions get easier and clearer. The sets get more and more inventive and imaginative, but the damn seal between them is no easier to break than when the Cavemen chipped and tinked away cement stones?

I can almost feel the keys beneath my fingertips as i type this ridiculousness. .. almost.

I suppose when all is said and done, they make up for all this pain when used correctly. As a booby trap:

Fools in Flight

Published August 27, 2013 by sarcasmica

So after our amazing adventure at Disneyland it was time to head home. I had to monitor my kid for breathing problems in case she needed to be whisked away to urgent care because at this point, her cough is still not gone. She seems to be doing fine, we get our shuttle and head to the airport. Somehow, despite leaving two hours before our flight, we still manage to get to the gate with only minutes to spare. We grab some McD’s and wait to board.

“Our flight will be delayed. So sorry for the inconvenience. We are having technical difficulties.”
go sit with the kids to get a bite before boarding.
“Our apologies, we will actually be boarding now.”
Frantically pack the grease food back up and run back to the gate.

and wait …

Finally time to board, we get settled. The window fight is settled between my kids. We are buckled, earphoned and ret-to-go.

we sit… and sit … and wait.

“So sorry for the inconvenience, we are still having technical difficulties. We will be leaving the gate soon.”

seriously?!

On cue, my kid starts coughing.

25 minutes later, we leave the gate. The kids behind me are kicking my seat visibly. I figure out in this time the dad and both demons are behind me while their mom is on her own across the aisle.

We finally taxi and take off. Everyone is ready to go home.

coughing ensues.

kicking comenses

arguing begins

The whole flight is listening to the two kids behind me (5 and 8) TORMENT their father who is trying his best to ignore them. He ignores their kicking each other, him, my seat, their screaming, their smacking him on the bald forehead saying “Dad!DAD! Dad! ARe we there yet?! DADADADAD!!!”

I turn and see their mom on the opposite aisle with a bottle of beer and two full cups.

I was thankful for my own calm(ish) and sick kids. I was thankful the animals behind me weren’t mine.

We land with a croupy cough and two very tired and done children. We headed straight to Urgent Care and my daughter was given a steroid drink, and i was given a bottle with 3 more doses ‘if needed, but she probably wont need them’.

sha.

After the next day and 2 more doses, she was still coughing her head off. Steamy shower in the bathroom didn’t work, and the 80 degree day outside didn’t give us cold air to use. I stood in front of the freezer with her and still had no luck. Honey = nothing. Popsicle = nada.

Head into the Pediatric Urgent care that night after every single breath ended in a coughing fit.

They were stymied. They gave her a breathing treatment = still coughing. They gave her a popsicle = still coughing. After an hour, i left with a prescription for cough syrup and a “Sorry, nights 2 and 3 are the worst.. good luck!”

Turns out we should have been given a different steroid- according to the pediatrician the next day.

So now she seems to be through the worst. We just have a lingering cold to deal with.

And that, my friends, was our Disneyland Adventure.

I now need a vacation from my animals kids. Praise little baby Jesus school starts in a week!!!

Disney 3 (aren’t i done yet?!)

Published August 26, 2013 by sarcasmica

The further I get from the trip, the less I remember… i’m trying to pound out these posts while still getting stuff done around the house.

ha!

So Day 1 at the park was fantastic. The kids were marvelous and amazed, as they should be. We hit CA Adventures first since i hadn’t been since it first opened, and my mom had never been. It was a great park for the little ones. I’d say the one thing to steer clear of is the Bugs Life 3-D experience. It is L-O-U-D and there’s a part where Hopper the bad guy is out and angry. The theater goes dark and loud, and then there are large black widows over head with lots of smoke machines.

This was not the highlight for my kids, to say the least. Otherwise, there were small rides, there was splash pads, it was great. To complete the first day there, my brother insisted on my mom and I going on Tower of Terror. We had no clue what we were in for, and I thought my mom was going to pee her pants after the first drop. .. in fact, i’m not certain she didn’t. I certainly was in jeopardy! That  shit was cray cray !!

In the afternoon, we headed to Disneyland. It was oddly empty for a summer Sunday. We could not believe walking up to the Haunted Mansion and just getting straight in. The only thing more amazing was seeing “Wait Time 5 minutes” for Pirates of the Caribbean. My daughter absolutely loved Pirates – which she has since renamed Ho Ho The Pirates – and we rode it a total of three or four times over the course of the three days, i think. She was a bit terrified on Haunted Mansion, but I have to say. After each ride, she was a bit scared or unsure, and then halfway through the rides she would pay attention, and then by the time we had to get off it was, “I wanna do it again!!” And we had the small disagreement that we couldn’t just jump right back on.

I had a special pass that I requested from Guest Services based on my sons issues with sensory processing. His OT thought it was a fantastic idea, and i have to say it was a life saver. It made it so the park was equally fun for my kid. He didn’t have the added anxiety of the line, spending the whole time in line getting worked up about the safety of the ride, or how fast it was, or how scary or unscary. He didn’t have the added pressure of a closed-in line where you have to be 100% in charge of your body and impulses for longer than 10 minutes. There are many many reasons this pass was invaluable, but just the sheer fact that he enjoyed every minute of that experience and was so excited and open to going back and doing things over and over spoke volumes about the necessity of it.

Day 1 wrapped with another trip to CA Adventures after a 2/2.5hr nap and break back at the hotel. We rode the Monsters Inc ride (a FAV of all the kids) and had to endure a little of the Mad T Party which was a loud concert by a cover band – who was actually pretty damn good. There were glow cube adult beverages and after my brother and Sis in Law and myself had one or three, we were ready to watch fireworks at DLand in the company of a corn dog. We finished out the evening at 10:30 riding Dumbo and the carousel. I’d like to say i’ll never forget that night. .. but i can’t remember what i wore yesterday, so i make no guarantees. That’s why i have this blog and pictures!

Day 2 was when things started getting rough. People had hangovers. My brother had to check out of his room and start thinking about work the next day and heading home. My kids were on a bit of a Disney hangover as well. The park was MUCH MUCH more crowded and i was very happy to have our handy dandy pass. We were able to stand in the fast pass lines, or just gain access through the exits. My son got to ride Star Tours while my daughter napped in the shade and I people watched and FB-d on my phone. He LOVED it! We did the rockets, and got a snack. We had a fun break at the hotel that involved swimming and trying out my christmas water-proof cam corder. In hindsight i’m not sure how much of a break we had, but the kids had fun and there weren’t any crowds involved. We walked Downtown Disney and got a sandwich. My daughter was looking kind of tired and worn out, but she was game for anything. Once we got back to the park we walked around, I did Indiana Jones with my son – another fail for him. He hated it – and parked the stroller and did Pirates. Turns out you do NOT want to park your stroller near Pirates right before Fantasmic. The employees move and rearrange all the strollers and could give a flying Mickey that you wanted it somewhere specific so you could remember when you came back from the ride where your wheels with your kid’s favorite blanket was parked.

We decided to sit and get a beignet and hot chocolate while we waited for the show to end and reclaim the stroller.

The longest wait of the whole trip. Astounding! My mom stood there waiting for her order for over 20 minutes. It was ridiculous.

I find my stroller after the show, we walk around and decide to high tail it out of there. Somewhere along the process of the day, my daughter lost a toy my mom bought for her and i figured i’d register it with Guest Services on the way out. The line was not long. I felt a bit stupid standing there with people who had lost something of value like drivers licenses and wallets. I felt stupid until someone at the front of the line was handed her kid’s three princess dolls that had been found and she literally ran away from the window with glee to the applause of the line.

I had hope!

20 minutes later it’s now 10:45 and my turn. I just get to the window, give him the story, he checks ‘the back’ and comes up empty handed. My son runs over to me shouting, “Gemma threw up! Gemma is throwing up in the stroller!!” I scribbled my info down and apologized and ran off to clean up partially digested beignet and hot chocolate.

We got back to the hotel after stopping at a blessed little shop that had various children’s medications and cheap knock off souvenirs. I dosed my kid with Children’s Advil and proceeded to watch her until 2:30 am go through a gamut of feverish symptoms. Around 2:30am I fell asleep for the duration.

7am we all woke up bright eyed and not quite bushy tailed. My daughter seemed great that morning, fever was gone, and she was ready to go. We had our Princess Luncheon at Ariel’s Oasis and we couldn’t wait! I kept a keen eye on her and we took it easy all morning until the lunch. To keep her happy she had a green sucker which didn’t help the look of her lips and face before the Princess pics were snapped. We all head in and prepare for our fancy lunch. My daughter is oddly not touching any of the food. She keeps coughing, though. I switch out her milk for something easier on her cough. We get through the first course with her nibbling crumbs and eagerly watching for a tiara or sash. A cryer announces the arrival of Cinderella and the excitement is ON. We get a good pic, my daughter again checks Cindy’s shoes, and we sit to wait for Princess #2. My daughter turns to the table, begins coughing, and proceeds to hurl all over the table.

Cloth napkins do nothing for spills. I was in a really really really bad Opposite Ad for Ariel’s Luncheon. It was one of those parenting moments you dread. I felt absolutely helpless. I manage to push all the liquid into a secure little pool on her side of the table. My son is gagging. My daughter wretches again. All over her chair and the floor. In my head i’m hearing choruses of “EEEEewwwweeeee, mommy, LOOOOK! That girl threw up!!”

In reality i’m sure no one was noticing because that’s when Aurora/Sleeping Beauty makes her entrance.

She’s on my lap now. I’m crying. She’s crying. My mom is close to tears trying to hold it all together. My son is holding up his napkin so as not to see the third course my daughter has served all over our table. Finally a bus boy comes and dumps hamster shavings all over the table assuring us it will absorb the smell.

Aurora shows up at the table looking like someone just shat upon her crown.

In her most brave princess voice, “Oh no .. is she ok? Would you like me to …. come back … later ?” and it’s a bit vague in my mom-brain, but i think my daughter wretched her third time after this offer.

Apparently Aurora saw an escape and took it faster than a prince to an unconscious teenager.

I was so sad for my daughter to miss this experience. I was sad to wreck the experience of those around us. I was helpless I didn’t have my own supplies to wipe away, clean, and disinfect our area and my kid. I didn’t know what was causing her sickness, so i couldn’t cure it. She had no fever, she had no other symptoms.

We wait for the geyser to officially stop and decide the next princess was safe. Belle bravely stood as close as her hoop skirt and heels would allow to get a picture with my little barfy kid. After this my daughter asked to go back to the room. She wanted to leave. I obliged. I realized after leaving i had my son’s pass in my purse. I stop at Guest Services to leave it for my mom to pick up later and am given an unimaginably hard time by a certain cast member who’s eyeballs I wanted to reach through the Mickey head opening and rip out with my fingernails.

She refused to let me leave it and said my mom would have to take my son and go get a new pass issued. She was arguing with me that she was already in the park with him, so it was OBVIOUSLY unnecessary for her to have it. It was not an urgent matter, and she was not obligated or authorized to hold ‘personal items’ for guests.

I. Was. Livid.

I ended up just handing the pass to my mom who walked out to meet me by the time i was done arguing with Becky Bitchface. I walked back to the room and tried to take my daughter from the stroller to the bed for a proper nap. She woke up and for the next three hours refused to lay down, take a nap, stay quiet and still. She seemed to feel much better after puking.

We stayed in the room and played until my mom made it back with my son. They were able to go on more rides and have fun. It was our last night and we wanted to end on a high note, so once we decided my daughter was fine, we dressed her in PJs and walked the boardwalk in CA Adventures and managed to make the best of the situation. She mostly stayed in the stroller, but we got to go on Monsters Inc one last time (all the while checking “how are you doing?” “are you doing ok?”) and see the Muppet 3D movie. After the carousel and boardwalk games with my son who won his sister a big Dumbo (PROUD momma!) we headed back and called it a night.

The next day we boarded our plane and that’s when the fun really started!!
(To be cont..)

Disney Adventure Part 2

Published August 25, 2013 by sarcasmica

We arrive at our hotel tired, sunburned, exhausted, and tired. It was roughly 6pm. We had to unpack and get the kids settled before walking somewhere for dinner. My mom had to return the rental car so I stayed behind with the kids. She came back a seething madwoman because the rental place had closed an hour before she got there.
Pointless.
So we head next door to Denny’s for some food before crashing for the night. The overflowing lobby told us otherwise. We trek back to the other side of the hotel and head right into Tony Romas. The smells are great, the booth is uncomfortable, but the mojito is cold and delicious. The kids are all excited to check out Disneyland the next morning and we dig into our bread.

Nearly 2 hours later we are finally finished with the molasses-in-winter service and mediocre food. Needless to say, we are more than ready for bed. The kids had other plans, however. I think I finally got to sleep around 11:30/12 that night. The alarm goes off at 6am the next morning so my mom can be ready to return the car and have everyone get to our character breakfast on time at 8:30. She heads out to return the car and get picked up by my brother and his wife and their 18 month old.

I am on my own to get myself and the kids to the Disneyland Hotel with all the gear and spares and extras i have packed. I figure at 7:45, i have plenty of time.

Turns out it’s nearly a mile away.

We had to walk across the street, down the entrance street, through the bag check, across the giant pavilion that divides both park entrances, through to the next bag check, and all the way down the entire Downtown Disney. We arrive with time to spare… somehow. My mom, on the other hand, is having her own harrowing car return drama and manages to get to Goofy’s Kitchen ten minutes after our reservation time.

There were a few things to occupy the kids while we waited. There was a random small car in the lobby kids could climb in and ‘drive’. My kids had been waiting about 10 minutes before i opened this can of worms. My son insisted on ‘driving’ first, and then allowed his sister to drive after I threatened and barked at him. This was the resulting picture which i find an appropriate pictorial representation of a lot of what we experienced on this trip.

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My daughter is chomping at the bit to meet Goofy, who is standing outside the dining room taking pictures with each group who goes in to eat. Everyone arrives and it’s her time. She cannot stand the excitement! She finally meets him and he plays with her toy a little, much to her delight, and she gets to hug and kiss him.

She was dancing with glee.

We go into eat and are seated right beside the door the characters are entering and exiting from. Great luck! My brother and his wife decide their kid can’t be on the end because all the characters will try to harass play with him and instead put him between Grandma and mommy…. with his back to the door.

This works until Rafiki comes in to greet us. I don’t know if y’all know who this is, but imagine Freddy Kreuger, a monkey, a crayon and the devil made an animal baby, and that’s Rafiki. He’s the baboon from Lion King.

IMG_9722Not exactly a warm and fuzzy being. My nephew was fine with him until he stuck his furry devil baboon hand out to touch the little guy, and that’s when he lost it. He lost *it* along with any and all faith the door behind him opened up to anything but hell. He did not trust any other characters that tried to say hello.

I can’t blame him, really.

My daughter, however, was jumping up and volunteering to take the attention for everyone at our table. She loved the whole experience. Cinderella – her favorite Princess/person/Character, etc was also on the list. She was beside herself with joy. When it came time for Cindy to come to our table, my daughter was already on her feet ready to tackle her. It was going fantastically, and to my amazement, my daughter then asked to see Cinderella’s shoes  before letting her go to the next table. I’d be lying if i said i wasn’t proud just then.

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We oohed and aaahhed at the pretty bow and giant fake rock in the middle. My daughter was duly impressed. The breakfast was a big hit, and after seeing Dale (“where’s the other one?!” my daughter demanded) Pluto, and Mulan it was time to start the Park Adventure!

TBC >>

The Disney Adventure Part 1

Published August 25, 2013 by sarcasmica

Well helllooooo from recovery land! I’ve just survived a four night/five day Southern California getaway complete with 3 days at Disneyland/California Adventures with my mom, my 2 year old and my 7 year old.

Holy shit.

It all started one dark and stormy morning. Very very early. Actually, it began the day before. Friday afternoon, I picked my husband up at the airport after a 2 week business trip. He was SOOOO excited to take us to the airport the following morning at 4:30am!

We made it to our boarding gate with zero minutes to spare for a biscuit, a muffin, a crumb, a germ. We got on and the kids were excited to be on our merry way. The plane ride was uneventful – thankfully – and we landed in one piece. Thus began our adventure!

Still starving, we vow to make it to our Disneyland shuttle so we can get to the car rental place and get some food. We arrive at the curb precisely five minutes after the shuttle left. No biggie.. we can hang.. afterall, i had a wheelie suitcase! Great for hours of fun for the kids

After 15 minutes we find a tiny sign posted at the bottom of a nearby billboard informing us that shuttles only pick up at that time every hour.
So after a 2.5 hr flight, we had 45 minutes to wait to get onto the shuttle to get to the car rental place ?? F-it. We decide to rent the car from the airport… for a crapton more money.

After standing in line for 15 minutes, the slowest woman helps my mom get the car. After a ten minute long discussion about the weather, we get our key… then we have to hoof it underground to find the car.

At this point, i’ve only yelled at the kids 78 times to stay out of the way of cars, taxis, people, other luggage wheelers, and myself. Add to this the starvation factor and things are beginning to cloud over.

We finally get to our car to find two already installed car seats. Fantastic !!

One tiny trunk.

Not so fantastic.

My son is asking rapid-fire questions at this point. None of which I can even tell you what they were because in my head all i heard was, “go go go go go go FOOOOODD!! go go go go go go FOOOOOOD!!”

I clipped in the kids. I shoved the suitcases into the car. SHOVED.

Stroller wouldn’t fit.

Take out stroller. Throw it halfway across the next parking stall. Heave and spit. Try again.

Stroller wouldn’t fit.

Shout expletives. Push and shove luggage some more, tweak stroller wheels and handles to force a fit.

VOILA!

Get in the car now sweating, hot, hungry, and “DONE”.

My mom has laid her license somewhere because the chatty clerk told her she’d have to show it again.

But where, oh where, has my mom left it? Not in the seat. Not on the floor, Not on the dash, the console, the glove box. Not in the door panel or her pockets.

It’s on the ground behind the car along with the rental receipt.

We are all frazzled now and my son is asking what sonofabiscuit means.

“Mom, do you want me to drive?”
“NO! It’s in my name, i’ll drive.”
“You sure? You seem kind of frazzled.”
“NO, i’m fine.”

We get in. We clip in. She starts the car. Drive.

the car goes nowhere.

“Parking break, mom.”

“Shit”

*click*

“Oh crap, i think i popped the hood.”

I get a text.    not .    now .

I get out, shut the hood.

Mom gets a phone call.   not.     now.

We finally pull out.

another text.   *ignore*

Go through the guard stand and in search of food.

“There’s the freeway”

“Where?”

“back there.”
Another phone call.   *ignore*

“MOOOOOOM, i’m hungry. Are we there?”
“Mommy, i hungee”

Make a U-Turn and find Carl’s Jr.
FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD !!!

We finally get breakfast at 10am after being awake for 6 1/2 hrs. It was the BEST food i’ve ever had.

Finally answer the calls/texts let family know we are on our way.

40 minutes later, we arrive at my brother’s to check out his new house. It’s great, the cousins meet. My kids take all the baby’s toys and the baby is not a happy cousin.  We had a great day that included a BBQ, a park, and a great friend that drove down to play for an hour.

Then we had to drive back to the hotel 40 mins away. …

to be cont …

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