As miraculous and wonderful as giving birth is, it’s also disgusting and messy and embarrassing and completely excruciating. I have done this twice and each time was more awkward and painful and messy than the last. The biggest annoyance is that the gore doesn’t end with labor. It just. keeps. going! All the aftermess, and […]

Ok. So no one said blowing up the goddamned ball was going to be a neverending f-ing workout!! Sneaky mo fos. So here i am with a hand pump jammed haphazardly into a huge flat blob of silver and i’m hand pumping away. Terrible images of the goofy shake weight come into my mind. But […]

If you’re a person who clicked on this because you know me, shame on you!! Were you looking for a story of an embarrassing explosion because you know how very giant i am and how very fragile and … umm, well it’s a glorified balloon under this gargantuan rear end ?! I don’t blame you, […]

As if grocery shopping is not already a pain in the ass, the holidays make it even more difficult. And it seems recently the grocery stores are trying to get in the massive amount of impulse buying people do for said holidays. I had to run in to the store quickly today with my 2 […]

Here’s a thought: Daytime commercials suck. If i have to hear another “tired of feminine odor problems?” or “tired of your tampon not working?” commercial, i’m gonna scream. … or write a rambling blog post. I might have the TV on during the day. Possibly. My child might even watch a few shows. If i […]

That’s my pet name for my kids. Affectionate, no? I said something to my husband last night that, i think, took him by surprise. No, not “let’s do it.” And no, not “All the laundry is done!” He was playing on the floor with our 2 year old daughter. I just had to repeat the […]

So i woke up this morning telling myself i would NOT use the TV before my easily over-sensitized son goes to school. I was curious if it would make the walk out the door happen quicker and with less screeching and repeating from moi. I made it one hour. Well, almost… depending on how you […]