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All posts for the month September, 2017

Surprises

Published September 29, 2017 by sarcasmica

For my birthday this year i’m taking my daughter on a trip to Disneyland! We did it once before and had a total blast, so I am lucky enough to get to do it again. This is also a “thank you for taking such good care of me after surgery” trip. My husband hasn’t said this specifically, but I translate the swipe of my credit card to say it.

The fun part is that I’m not telling her we are going. My kid gets sick every time we have a vacation scheduled. The bigger the trip, the bigger the ailment. It usually involves ralphing. I’m experimenting to see if I don’t tell her, will she still get sick, or will she wait until we are on the plane and all the excitement is made up for in one big event. Please Lord in Heaven, let it not be the latter.

She has left projectile vomit at Disneyland twice, and once at Disney World. I’d like to say that era is behind us.

I was sure someone would ruin the surprise by now. I have been the only one to nearly spill the beans, so kuddos to all of us for that!

In preparation for this trip, I have had to leave instructions for my husband as to how to best care for our oldest.

Sidenote: No he is not going to Disneyland. Yes it was his choice. If you are low on reading sources to put you to sleep at night, please check out the archives to learn more about the reasons my 11 year old hates fast, fun, thrilling rides. As for the husband, he would rather gouge out his eyes with chopsticks than voluntarily attend an amusement park. This, friends, is how a family of 4 can afford a Disney trip.

So back to it. I had to leave instructions. The after school activities begin next week, so I picked the exact right time to leave town! Making this list has taught me that a-damn! I do actually do more than sit around and eat bon bons, and b- if my husband doesn’t already hope it, he better sacrifice a small farm animal so I may live forever.

I’m managed most of the packing, and now we wait for the morning when I get to wake up my daughter with the world’s best phrase: “Wake up, we’re going to Disneyland!”

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Kneeling

Published September 25, 2017 by sarcasmica

I don’t watch the news much. I feel like it has changed since 9/11 so much. Social media has really become a crutch for network television news outlets. My husband and I comment all the time that stories are often incomplete. The whole story is rarely given. I feel like they rely on the viewers to go further research and get specifics that used to be given by the newscaster. I’m not talking in-depth background, I’m talking “major catastrophe occured! Suspects are in question. the end.” Where was this? What time? Who was hurt?

It’s just flashy headlines, and little content. The other awful side effect is trying to be first. I still remember the Boston Marathon bombing and how there was nothing but speculative reporting, but it was Breaking News so they were literally on the air just tossing around theories and tweeted information and drawing their own conclusions.

I do, however, enjoy the bits of Good Morning America that I can hear over my own shouting at the kids to get ready for school, and the kids shouting at each other to stop hogging toilets and sinks and toothpaste. Lately the popular topic is the whole kneeling during the anthem thing Colin Kaepernick has begun.

For President┬áTrump (cough sputter spit) to weigh in on this is just one more in a long line of ridiculous time-wasters he seems to excel at. “White Privilege” is a popular phrase these days. As a white person, it’s uncomfortable, but that’s because it’s true. Yes. I totally agree that this exists. It’s not a pride-inducing phrase. Maybe some people allow themselves to be “offended” by this and then just shut down and become defensive to whatever the issue being challenged is and then cannot hear what the debate is about.

I just wanted to throw my two cents out there and say I think Mr. Kaepernick is a very brave man. He knelt for something big. Something decades of marching, and protesting, and “trending” hasn’t solved. It’s forcing conversation to an ugly truth… another ugly truth about this country. I haven’t had a firm stance on ‘agree or disagree?’ with this kneeling thing, but I watch a show called United Shades of America with W. Kamau Bell. I find it fascinating. Recently he went to Chicago to interview residents and compare reality with what the media is broadcasting regarding the dire state of things there. I highly recommend the show, but especially this one if you find yourself undecided or against the NFL and the kneeling protests.

It is so easy to brush this off and say “It’s so un American! How dare they not stand for the flag and the anthem of this country!!”. If you do, you are in denial. You are the problem and that’s hard to take on. Naturally, you don’t want to be the problem, especially when you are not actively causing issue.

Have you considered why these protesters are kneeling? Are you willing to look at the reasons, and not just your own reaction to what you assume is unimportant?

How in touch are you with the way things are for inner city families? How much thought do you give to the lack of any funding for activities, music class, art, or even staffing at the schools millions of children get their start at? Not just educational start, but their introduction to a society. Elementary school is where children are handed over to grown ups who then become responsible for the welfare and well being of these children. Are these children treated with respect? Does the building have adequate space, heat, a/c, construction, plumbing? Do these kids see their value in the community in the programs offered for them?

These are pretty basic questions and expectations of government money doing it’s job.

If these families are not taken care of on a daily basis by their communities, how are they supposed to feel any pride in that community? How can they feel responsibility and ownership when the institutions that are supposed to take care of them fail? In this climate, do you think everyone in this country feels that law enforcement is on their side?

What if, Mr. Trump, instead of sending money to employ more police and tactical units to fund stop and frisk, you empower these communities by putting money into the schools and programs that set up an environment where kids can succeed and feel a sense of pride and community? Sports, arts, music, after school activities. Employ the community and staff the schools with qualified members of local society.

I wonder how a community who feels they are hated, feared, and unwanted is supposed to feel a sense of pride and appreciation for a flag and anthem that represent a nation that has left them behind? The professional human beings who are choosing to kneel at sporting events are not refusing the flag of our nation. They are banding together to announce to those with blinders on that the country we all love and take pride in does not see all men created equal and offer all opportunities to all peoples.

If “white privilege” is the most offensive phrase that has been thrown at you in your lifetime, it might be time to take a step back, put your own perspective aside, and consider looking at the reason for the protest.

Party Animals!

Published September 17, 2017 by sarcasmica

For my daughter’s 7th birthday party at home, we decided having wild animals in the house would be a great idea…. and also a petting zoo! (HA!) There’s a local company that brings animals to your house and hosts. ( Animals ) You can choose a theme of group of animals, or a la cart pets. I REALLY wanted goats, but alas… it was not my birthday party.

My daughter chose the Australian Theme. It was awesome! I’ve been collecting paper bags and figured there must be a way to make them into safari vests. I scanned pinterest and youtube and VOILA! Found an easy tutorial (after only about 3 searches) based on the type of vests I wanted to make, and the kind of bags I had.

Safari Vest Tutorial

Right as the kids came in, they decorated vests on my table cloth covered table ­čÖé and grabbed a plastic “pith helmet” or for everyone normal, a safari hat. By the time the guests arrived, made the costumes, chit chatted and maybe grabbed a snack

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Then it was time to start the show.

We could have done the whole thing outside, but recently there have been terrible wildfires in Washington and the smoke was pretty bad on party day. We opted to squish everything into our entryway instead. This made it difficult for me to zip around quasi-unobtrusively to snap photos.

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Bearded Dragon

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The bearded dragons were a big hit, and so chill!

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Blue-Tongued Skink

 

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Frilled Lizard

 

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Displaying that awesome frill

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Opal the wallaby is the hardest working momma around! This girl had a week(ish) old joey hidden away in her pouch. Imagine that! Going to work a week after having your baby, and then sit in a pen while little humans pet and poke at you while you eat your way through the ordeal. … oh wait… that’s all moms.

There were also sugar gliders and lots of snakes. I’m still trying to figure out my camera, so a lot of those shots were pretty blurry. The highlight of the show was the wrangler explaining how hard the sugar gliders are to have as pets as it peed all over her. The kids particularly liked that, the parents notsomuch.

We finished up with hand washing, pipe cleaner snake beading, snacks & cake. Oh, the most fun part was the photo op I had set up. It got a little lost among the excitement, but I wanted a place for the parents to get a fun pic of their kid at the party so I set up a ribbon curtain and had the kids hold a prop Jeep. I ended up taking the photos with my nikon, but the little safari adventurers seemed to get a kick out of it. I’m ending the post with the hilarious reality of party-crash with my own kids. I realized after everyone left that I did not manage a photo of my kids together with the Jeep. We attempted to do this after guests were gone, presents opened, sugar crash hit. Enjoy!

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Bday girl wanted to hold the Jeep

 

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Guess who was holding it?

 

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Dad intervenes so “your mother can get a decent picture of you two”

 

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The picture every mom hopes for!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Raving Lunatic

Published September 15, 2017 by sarcasmica

You know how they say you shouldnt go to bed angry?

They also say to sleep on it and not make a rash decision. It’ll all look better in the morning. 

This does not apply to social media. I’m fuming right now, but mostly at the power I have given Facebook to infuriate me. 

I’m speaking about the fucking community groups. That is the downfall of FB for me. You never know what morons reside in your community until you post something in a community group. It could be anything! There’s no formula! You know why? Because stupidity is random. It has no formula. You know what stupidity likes? Instant gratificashun. (See what i did there?)

What sets you off in an argument? For me it’s feeling dismissed based on an irrelevant fact or an untruth. Also, lack of insight. I work hard to try and see how others have to live. I try to appreciate things others may not experience. I dont want to judge because I dont want to have to endure your hardships to understand your plight. Everyone actually has their own path and if you disagree with a person’s life choice, you better be willing to walk on that path and take the same hits and bruises.

I hate self righteousness. No one knows what the fuck they are doing! You can have a plan and work hard to execute it, but you dont always have control! 

Today as the mob of parents stood at the bus stop, a teenager flew by on a dirt bike. The kid had no helmet, no license plate, no sense. We all looked at each other and just chuckled it off. Afterall, “teenagers”, am I right? 

The school bus makes it’s first stop down the road and kids exit. The motorcycle has reached the end of the adjoining street where the kids are now off the bus, and we hear him speeding back towards us. As the school bus is approaching our stop, the guy rounds the corner and starts to haul ass towards us and the braking bus. Myself and a dad step towards the biker and shout for him to slow down.

He rides past flipping us off, snickering, and mimicking slapping a horses rear as he flies back where he came from.

We all just looked at each other dumb-founded. The kids are now exiting the bus and we have no idea if he’s turning back around, so we hurry the kids across the road and onto the side walk. 

This was totally ridiculous and enfuriating and dangerous. 

Later I post on the neighborhood site regarding this, encouraging people to speak to this person if they know him, because it’s not safe to pull this crap in the middle of school bus drop off.

Enter town trolls.

This is where everyone wants to chime in and make their social statements based on a situation a-they did not witness and b-refuse to acknowledge. 

To their credit, the community began well intentioned and supportive, but there is a cap on that. Social media only allows a modicum of positivity. The rants soon began about teenagers being teenagers and uptight adults and the (sarcastic) horror of kids not staying indoors to play games and watch TV.

I eventually figured out I had the power to cancel comments. I also decided to not further jump down the rabbit hole. I left 2 community groups ans I feel better already. 

You can lead an idiot to logic, but you cant make him think. You know why? Because the idiots like to live in their own bubbles. 

I desperately want to be done with my rant. I do! Perhaps I will learn how to walk among the level-headed that roam the earth, away from Facebook. 

Rant complete. 

The Night Before

Published September 5, 2017 by sarcasmica

1st Day of school! 1st Day of School!!!

Y’all know i’m excited, right? Things around here have been quite busy and active the last few weeks. Between camping and back to school shopping, i’m just in survival mode. Today was supposed to be the epic last day of summer spectacular where we either lounge around the house all day playing video games and watching TV, or maybe take in a movie and gorge on popcorn and soda and all manner of Crap.

Neither happened.

I had scheduled an orthodontist appointment weeks ago assuming the kids would be back in school by now. Nope! So we got to spend our last day of summer running errands. Haircuts, orthodontist, backpack shopping, blah blah frickin blah.

Right now Washington state has declared a state of emergency for all of the fires currently burning. Our land is not amenable to late summer. The grass and trees demand regular sacrifices of rain in exchange for oxygen. This does not happen regularly in August (The ONLY month this does not regularly occur) so the land fights back in the form of fire, smoke and ash.

My son, who has long since been done with asthma, was coughing quite a bit this morning. I myself woke up with a face full of junk from sleeping with windows open all night.

The other kicker is that it’s been in the upper 80’s/low 90’s so the suckers who live here without air conditioning haven’t had a lot of choice but to open windows to cool off. This results in coughing, burning eyeballs, and all sorts of party behaviors.

So driving around with my anxious, agitated, coughing, bickering little heathens today was less than ideal.

I bought a giant bottle of spiced rum at target along with the backpack and notebook paper and I didn’t even feel guilty about it. My children were kind enough to maintain their bickering all throughout the line, so by the time we were done everyone wanted to share that bottle with me. Guilt alleviated.

After stifling my giddiness about the 1st day of school with irritation and annoyance at the bedtime antics, I finally dive into the gift bag of paperwork my daughter was sent home with at the meet the teacher night we had last week.

Guess what?! There was homework in there. Of COURSE there was! So now we get to start the school year off with, “Wake up! Hurry up and eat so you can do your homework.”

I also discovered the “What areas do you want us to work on with your child?” three page questionnaire.

I don’t think i’m gonna like this teacher much. … or maybe i’ll send her a nip of my spiced rum and she’ll cool her homework jets.

Happy 1st Day of School, moms !!!! We will never be so happy to wake up early to prepare food as we will be tomorrow.

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