scarymommy.com posted a very apropos comic today:
I couldn’t think of a single more appropriate and relate able thought today. As i’ve lost sleep the last *&(^ nights to the running lists in my head of all the shit that has to get done before we leave.
One conversation seems to really paint the mental picture of the difference between dads and moms.
Me: “So it seems I cannot borrow a stroller from anyone, so we may have to rent one.”
Him: ….. (insert face showing internal thoughts; “stroller… what the hell is she talking about? … who needs a stroller? Is she expecting a response? *check email* Don’t look at your phone. DONT look at your phone! *check email* Look at your wife’s beautiful face instead and feign interest!)
… “oh … I was kind of looking forward to doing this trip without a stroller since she’s so big.”
Me: laughs hysterically. “You mean you want the four year old to walk to the park, and then around the park aaaaall day with nowhere to snack, reset, nap, etc etc? Would YOU like to carry the 50lbs 4 year old around the park?”
Him: “Oh … ok.”
As if we aren’t going to have our hands plenty full with the Dyspraxic, sensory-sensitive wobble-lanked 8 year old who can ride a bike 10 miles with no problem, but cannot manage to get through a grocery store or Target without “fireman style” riding the cart. If I could fold the children both up and insert them into a double stroller all day that is somehow maneuvered by a remote control or hoverboard so I don’t have to push the collective 130lbs, I would do it. So I will settle on restraining the one creature I can still push around.
As it is, i’m going to be managing the kids on my own for the flight there, which includes a measly 1hr layover. I’m hoping and praying to the patron saints of all the traveling parents we make our connection. … with all our crap!
This is a very common and oft endeavored feat by millions of other parents, I know. I’ve just not done it on my own before. I’ve managed a single child through an airport with a direct flight, never two with a layover and plane switch with carry on crap and paraphernalia.
I can already see the worst case scenario in my husband’s head:
We arrive (where he will have already been for a week on his own by his lonesome) and his first question will be, “Does the child still have my DS and all the parts? … wait … where’s the stylus? What do you mean you lost the stylus?!! I KNEW it !!”
Whereas in my head this is happening:
“Look, husband! We are all here! We even managed all of the carry ons! We made our flight, no one got lost, no one peed their pants, all shoes are on feet, all eyeballs are in heads, no black eyes or missing limbs… TA DAAAAA!!!” and all the empty mini booze bottles tumble out of my purse as I get into the cab.
So in the meantime, my generous and hard working husband will be slaving away at meetings and deadlines and milestones and check ins etc etc etc. He will provide the moolah and hook ups for this trip to even happen.
I will be:
Shopping for all the necessities, carefully weighing how overboard I can go before my husband will question that mile long Target receipt
Preparing all three pets for their version of Armageddon.
Shots/boarding reservations/setting up feeding baggies for kennel/auto feeder set up for cat/neighbor bribery for checking cat is alive
Preparing children (mentally and clothingly) for trip. Including non-fight-inducing wardrobes.
Packing all items to buffer experience : bandaids, tylenol, sunblock,undies, tampons, deoderant, etc etc etc
Park ticket purchase
Extracurriculars and entertainment for trip
Fighting with Apple devices to ensure least amount of drama during flights – downloading movies, fighting with memory space, weeding out necessary apps and TV Shows to make space for movies.
Headphones for one and all
Any and all special extras to help son have the most fun and least stress possible
And maybe i’ll remember to pack a little something for myself. … like Excedrin and vodka